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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “really delusional”, he admits. You feel invincible and you think, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often coming after a “crash”, during which he feels sensitive and self-conscious about his actions, leaving him highly sensitive to criticism from others. He began to think he might have this personality condition after researching his symptoms online – and subsequently confirmed by a specialist. Yet, he is skeptical he would have accepted the diagnosis unless he had previously arrived at that understanding by himself. “If you try to tell somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they feel beliefs of dominance. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

Though people have been identified with narcissism for decades, it’s not always clear what is meant by the term. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he believes many people hide it, as there is significant negative perception around the condition. Someone with NPD will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “impaired compassion”, and “a strategy of using people to seek admiration through behaviors including pursuing power,” the specialist says. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Gender Differences in The Disorder

Though a significant majority of people found to have NPD are males, studies indicates this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the covert form, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, just kind of like everything in society,” says a young adult who shares content on her dual diagnosis on online channels. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she explains, since when I’m told that I am at fault, I tend to switch to defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Although experiencing this response – which is sometimes referred to as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and accept input from her loved ones, as she aims to avoid falling into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she admits. Through dialectical behavioural therapy, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she says she and her partner “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, when I use toxic language, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have positive role models in her youth. I’ve had to teach myself continuously what is acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because I never had that growing up,” she says. Every insult was fair game when my relatives were insulting me during my childhood.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

These mental health issues tend to be linked to childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” explains a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he adds, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was based on meeting particular demands. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

Similar to other of the those diagnosed, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “could also have the disorder. The individual explains when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he admits. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of experiencing genuine affection, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was actually she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his GP, John was referred to a therapist for an diagnosis and was told his diagnosis. He has been put forward for psychological counseling through national services (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the patient queue for an extended period: “They said it is expected around in a few months.”

John has only told a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “negative perceptions are widespread that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, privately, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is beneficial,” he says. Those interviewed have accepted their narcissism and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the disorder. But the existence of online advocates and the rise of online support communities indicate that {more narcissists|a growing number